"I played semi-pro football for a couple years. The 1967 Long Island Jets. I got my ass kicked."
“What was your greatest moment of football glory?”
“Well, I was 190 lbs, and everybody else on the team was 250. So I pretty much only played special teams. But I was a third-string defensive lineman too. And one game we were up by 40 points, so they put me in the game. And our linebacker— Eddie, real mean guy— called me over and said: ‘Right before they hike the ball, spit on the center’s hand.’ I said: ‘What?’ And he said: ‘Trust me. Just spit on him.’ So right before they hiked the ball, I spit on the guy’s hand. And he immediately stood up to punch me, and Eddie comes running in and knocks the guy clean off his feet, then he sacks the quarterback. That was probably my greatest contribution.”
Dude that first one gets scarier every second you view it.
Didn’t wanna sleep tonight anyway
About time for bed. I oughta see what’s new on Tumblr before I lay down.
Sleep is now cancelled.
Holy flip that first one though…